You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
