I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
