Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize
