Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We're using joints as your birthday candles
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
is it fun? or sober?
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