hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
