this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
