I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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