we made out on top of his cat.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
