like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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