I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
