NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
