I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
