he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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