You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
