sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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