i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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