oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
