youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
