So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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