By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
