Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
