I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
