I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
