I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
