the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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