Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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