Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
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