Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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