This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
and she was petting her beer can
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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