Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
