I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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