I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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