it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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