Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
