I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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