Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
