True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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