i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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