Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
