the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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