it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
