Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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