They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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