I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Success! We fucked roommates!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
