I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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