The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
