Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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