So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
