there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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