I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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